Fostering Independence

Fostering independence is essential in preparing your child to be a successful adult. If we want our children to be capable and responsible in college and a career, we need to prepare them now. Children can be responsible for small tasks much earlier than most people believe. As we discussed in previous chapters, small children can pick up their own toys. Labeling shelves with words and pictures is an excellent way for children to begin learning organization. Asking children to put their toys and books away on the correct shelf can begin even before your child can read. Use pictures to assist with the process.

Using Incentives

A few students will require additional incentives in order to stay inside the boundaries you have created. A swift tap on the bottom of a two or three year old will prevent the need for further physical punishment as your child gets older. Why? Because your child understands that you are the absolute authority. By five or six, the additional incentive could be removal of a treasured toy or game for a day or going to bed early. By 7 or 8 years old, you must do whatever it takes to insure compliance. If the behavior is repeated, an additional or alternative incentive must be tried. All children are different. Children raised in the same family respond differently to incentives. The consequence that may work could be timeout, loss of TV, video games, playing with friends, to bed early, sitting on a bench during a game,  canceling a sleepover, or in some cases all of the above. All consequences must be administered in a calm, firm, and matter of fact manner.

Building Character

One of the best ways to instill morals is to model for your children. But how do you build character?
Building character requires doing things you don’t want to do or are hard to do. When a child is made
to finish a task, especially when he does his best, he will have an incredible sense of accomplishment. The child will also realize that they can accomplish their goal by sticking with it when the going gets touch. They also realize that hard work is not always fun. Sticking with a tough coach or unfair teacher will be an important lesson when faced with these same issues in the workplace.

 All of us are faced with obstacles as we strive toward our goals. The difference between the goals becoming reality and being just a dream is often perseverance and mental toughness. Olympic medalists, Michael Phelps, did not become a gold medalist in a day, a week, or a year. No, winning the gold took hour upon hour, lap after lap of practice. Thousands of laps swimming back and forth every week with no cheers, no medals, no interaction, just the swimmer and the water. The goal was not accomplished in a day, a month or a year. The goal, an Olympic medal, was years and years away and only attainable by hours and hours of practice.

Your child might not want to be an Olympic athlete, but do you want them to have that opportunity if they so choose? Suppose it is an academic scholarship or entrance to a certain college, or a specialized program. Your child may not solidify a dream until high school or beyond. Do you want those doors to be open to your child? Do you want your child to be ready and up for the challenge?

If you would like to read more, order Creating Survivors at Amazon.com

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

To nurture emotionally stable children, you need to teach them not to "sweat the small stuff."
There are many small disappointments in life and you certainly will not always be able to get
your own way.

If your child makes a major deal out of small disappointments, if they are experiencing emotional
outbursts over small issues, they have not learned to handle disappointments in a healthy way.

You have probably figured out that your attitude is a choice. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be sad, mad, and upset. If you choose to be happy, you will for the most part be happy.
Children have to understand that having an emotional fit by crying, yelling, or pouting is not an
acceptable way to handle dissappointment or frustrations.

When your child first has the emotional outbursts - ignore them. Do not give them any attention until they calm themself down. Act like you do not see them. When they are calm, immediately talk
to them and praise them for being calm. If they continue to cry, yell, or pout when something does
not goe their way, put them in timeout. The child must understand that you will not allow the outbursts. The child must understand that they have to handle their disappointments and frustrations by taking deep breaths, talking it out, or finding an acceptable outlet.

One trick you can teach your child is when they are feeling bad, do something to help someone else.
That is an instant mood lifter.

Your mood, your attitude is a choice. Teach your child to choose happiness and they will have a lifetime of happy days.

As Your Child Becomes Mobile

Infants can learn “No.” As children become mobile, they will encounter dangerous or breakable items. Child proof your home, but not completely. You must give children an opportunity to learn, “No.” If you deny your child this opportunity in your own home, you will not be able to take them to the home of others.

Establishing a Sleep Routine for Infants

INFANCY

The key to parenting an infant is love, schedule, and flexibility. You cannot give an infant too much love. What parents sometimes confuse with love is holding. Infants need lots of love, holding, and cuddling. Infants also need rest and sleep. The first thing you want to work on is establishing a regular nap and bedtime schedule. Try to put your child down for a nap at approximately the same time no matter where you are. Encouraging a child to sleep in different locations breeds flexibility, while establishing a schedule. For small infants, take along a basket or pack and play for naps and bedtime. Establish a regular schedule of at least two nap times per day along with a 12 hour bedtime. Some infants need more sleep than others. You will be able to figure that out by how long the child sleeps during the established naptimes.

Modeling Respect

Parenting is not an easy job but what you do as a parent will make the job easier or more difficult. As a matter of fact, parenting will be a pleasure once the boundaries are established and compliance is frequent. Pleasure is achieved when a respectful relationship is established. Achieving a respectful relationship is easier than you might think. It is achieved primarily with one act “MODELING.” You must always, always treat your child with respect. You must also treat your spouse with respect. You must treat your friends with respect. You must treat other drivers on the road with respect. 

Consistency

Do you want your child to be well adjusted and happy? Let
them know what to expect. Parents who create a consistent
environment raise well adjsted, happy children. On the
contrary, parents with inconsistent discipline often
create angry, rebellious children.

Children feel secure when they know what to expect
when they do not follow the rules. Parents need to
discuss rules and consequences and apply the
consequences consistently.

Support Each Other

Children have a natural tendency to try to get their own way. It is part of human
nature. Often children will look for "chinks" in the armour. If they can get one
parent to give in, they can find success. If children find in their household that
they can "divide and conquer," they will do so. Parents protect your children
by supporting each other and staying strong and consistent with rules and
discipline. You can disagree in private, but in the eyes of your children
you should be indestructible. This consistency will provide security for you
children. When children know what to expect from their parents and when
their parents support each other, children find peace.

Press Release

New Book Declares “Good Parenting” Key to Raising Children

With 34 years of experience, Debra Bopp Barnes knows what works

LEBANON, Ind. – Every parent worries how his or her child will turn out. Will the child grow into a responsible adult? Parents ask themselves, “How can I ensure I’m raising my child correctly?” In her new book Creating Survivors: Children Able to Navigate the Ups and Downs of Life with Grace (published by AuthorHouse), author and professional educator Debra Bopp Barnes, Ph.D., offers one path to success.

“During my 34 years working with children and parents,” Barnes writes, “I have learned parenting is the key to a child's lifelong success. Children can be successful without effective parenting, but this is not the norm. Often, a teacher or another caring adult is necessary to inspire a child and lead them to success.”

             

Barnes knows that parenthood can be a delight and a frustration. Creating Survivors will teach parents the tools necessary to create children who are independent, respectful, responsible, frugal and resilient.

Watching parents and children struggle has pushed Barnes to write this book. Her oldest son, who is raising two beautiful girls, offered the most poignant advice: “Make it short. We don't have time to read all the philosophical stuff.”

“Remember, some children will be easy,” Barnes reminds readers. “Some children will be very difficult. That is the nature of man. All the effort expended early on will come back in blessings ten fold.”

About the Author

Debra Bopp Barnes, Ph.D., was an educator for 34 years. She has been a teacher, assistant principal, principal, superintendent of schools, director of instruction, and finished her career as a principal and teacher for alternative high school students. She has three children, two step-sons and two beautiful granddaughters.

Parenting - The Most Difficult Job You Will Ever Have AND The Most Important

Parenting is the most difficult job you will ever have. There is not a blueprint that will work for every child. And to top it all, it is the most important job you will ever have. The influence you have over the development of your child is immense. The book " Creating Survivors, Childre Able to Navigate the Ups and Downs with Grace," is my attempt to share with young parents what I have learned in 34 years of working with children. I hope it helps!! None of us can do this very important job alone.

http://www.amazon.com/Creating-Survivors-Children-Navigate-Downs/dp/1467066265/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327847366&sr=1-1